I bought fat pants. Oh you know what I mean. They’re the pants you buy because nothing in your closet fits right and none of your jeans hug your waist comfortably. They’re the surrender pants, the no-longer-in denial pants, or the I-forgive-you pants. They make me feel so guilty about how I’ve put on so much weight, but damn, they feel good.
In my defense, my schedule was crazy this summer. I’d wake up at 5 AM, Monday thru Friday, then I’d sit on a train for two hours, then sit in an office for 8 hours, only going outside for “stress-busting” lunches with my co-workers, and then there was another 2-hour train ride home. On weekends, I’d be exhausted by the week with no will power to go for a run. Lots of sitting, too much snacking, and not enough excercise makes jack a dull boy. Well, not just a dull boy but a heavier one as well.
When I stepped on a scale today, all I can think is “how could I let myself go like that?” How could I, the running extraordinaire, gain so much weight in such a short amount of time? But I forgave myself right away. I had to.
We take a lot of abuse on a daily basis. And while much of it may come from others, I am convinced that a lot of it comes from ourselves. This is because those who are hurt by others tend reach a point where they start believing the scarring words. Moreover, when it comes to health and beauty, that stuff is automatic. We don’t need people telling us that we’re fat or ugly; the media takes care of that. Television shows, fashion magazines, and music videos all tell us that if we don’t fit a certain mold, we’re not good enough. And we tend to believe it. Myself included. But not today because, y’know what? I don’t really feel like beating myself up today. I really really don’t.
Today, let’s focus on forgiving ourselves and our bodies. If we want to to be our best, we must first make amends, though it may take a while. Because you can’t take care of yourself if you hate yourself. So, slip into your fat pants, apologize for your mistakes, and go from there.