On Cyclical Behavior


Yesterday, a realization absolutely gutted me. No deaths, no bad news. Just a discovery that something I poured over for the last few months was on the decline. And yet, I thought to myself this morning, am I really going to cry on this subway train right now? Dramatic, I know. Like clockwork, my mind sought reach for something steady. Writing and photography are that. I had forgotten that I’ve joined those two things before. Here.

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On Lying to Yourself

Some of you might’ve noticed my absence; I wouldn’t be surprised if some of you didn’t. Why have I been gone for so long? Well one part of the reason is that law school has started and I have been focused on getting my gears going again and getting back into a routine. The other part of the reason is that, for a little while, I didn’t need you.

This blog started mainly because I had lost myself. Not only am I in a world that is fairly foreign to me, it became a world that I just let grind against my values, my personality, and my true nature. I can’t say that this is not entirely true right now, but boy is it a lot less so.

It’s common that people have a rough time with others telling them they are something that they’re not. People will try to mold you into the idea of something that just isn’t you. And yes, I agree that this is tough, but I realized what’s tougher. What’s tougher is when YOU tell yourself that you’re something you’re not. And every time you force yourself to convince you, something so spiteful that lies in the very depths of your soul tells you that you. are. wrong. It hisses that you are not, will not, and will never be this lie.

Unfortunately, more often than not, we choose to ignore that voice. We tell it to go away because we have a good plan that we’ve got to stick to. You tell yourself that your future belongs in X, with Y, during Z. And though the thought of it makes you feel determined, you still feel sad. You feel ambitious but not happy. You act on this “dream” but your heart is just not in it 24/7.

My advice is to just do it. Face the lie you’ve been lying to yourself all along. Let it rise to the surface and let it free. Let your heart be where you know where it belongs. And if it doesn’t know, it just might be because you’re not really listening.


Filed under Inspiring

On Fat Pants

Elastic Pants

I bought fat pants. Oh you know what I mean. They’re the pants you buy because nothing in your closet fits right and none of your jeans hug your waist comfortably. They’re the surrender pants, the no-longer-in denial pants, or the I-forgive-you pants. They make me feel so guilty about how I’ve put on so much weight, but damn, they feel good. Continue reading


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On Being Average


I was a fairly smart kid growing. I always had great grades and I was known to teachers as the student who usually went the extra mile on her work. I was on the principal’s list and a honor student. I was smart just enough to be competitive about it and to think that being smart was my thing. And then I came to law school and I felt like the dumbest kid in class.

I became what I really hope I wouldn’t become: average. Continue reading


Filed under Inspiring, Observant

On Getting Over It

♫ “I’ll be alright. Just not tonight. But someday!” ♫

Don’t. Don’t get over it. Not just yet. So, when your friends roll their eyes at you and tell you to get over it, don’t. Don’t do it just because they’re over it. Because, surprise surprise, while you say you’re over it, the truth is that you’re not. So don’t. Continue reading

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